Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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