i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
