just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
