Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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