This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
