More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
