captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Boobs speak an international language.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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