Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
