Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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