I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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