Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
