i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
