my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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