This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
