you guys were way drunker than both of me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
