I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize