I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
