I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He better not be in your backpack
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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