I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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