hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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