You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I understand Curling. That high.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
