no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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