all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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