her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's blow job season.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
