Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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