I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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