If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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