apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
