sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
