Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
