I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
