I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
