The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
