party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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