Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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