The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You need a sexual gate keeper
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
