So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
