I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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