should my penis look like a turkey
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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