can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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