my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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