Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
