My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
