Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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