And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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