epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These tits shall not be calmed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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