is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
