He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
