So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
