That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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