Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
