I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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