Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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