he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
