I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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