just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
