I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
