That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
