Betty ford says i'm here all night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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