It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
