Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
