the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
