the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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