I cockslap morals
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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