Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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