He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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