I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
