I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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