Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
