using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
