It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
