You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I stole a fireplace last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
