If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
