half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
