You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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