The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
