He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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