Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
