In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
