I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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